Willow

My dog died last Friday. 

It sucks. 

I am so sad.

And lonely. 

And I know that may sound silly to some, but I work from home. When my kids and husband are gone for the day, it has always been Willow and me.

Me and Willow. 

Now it will be just me. 

I miss her begging for a bite of my breakfast bagel. 

I miss her big doggie sighs as she finally settled onto her bed for her morning nap. 

I miss her "dog sleep-barking and walking" while she slept and dreamt.

I miss how excited she would get the minute I picked up her leash and her silly dancing paws thing that she would do to show her enthusiasm for a walk with her mama. 

I miss how she used to wake me up with her disgusting doggie breath in my face and then jump up with her front paws on the bed and try to snuggle her head all the way under me.  

I miss how she loved popcorn almost as much as I do. 

I miss her beautiful mutt face. 

I miss my Willow. 

You get so used to this presence in your life. This soul that doesn't ask much from you other than love and who gives you so much of it in return, often more than you deserve. 

I hope we made the right choice for her. I hope she is walking and running and playing with all her doggie frens who passed over the bridge before her. I hope she has an unending supply of pizza crusts and apples.

I hope she knows how loved she was and how much she meant to me.

Long have our shadows walked side by side in this life. 

Forever will she be in my heart. 

Commissioned Artwork by JC Little.

N~

contemplation

When was the last time you took a "long loving look" at the things around you.

The people around you.

The place you are in.

Not focusing on what needs to be done, or improved, or cleaned, or put away, or changed in any way.

Just what is.

And found and then savoured the beauty of it all. 

Through the eyes and fingers of an 8 year old: "Auntie, this is the BEST PLANT EVER!"

N~

Pep Talk

What if one day you did all the things you keep putting off "until the time is right"? What if you stopped making excuses about all the stuff that you keep insisting is more important than doing what would really make your heart sing?

What do you have to lose? 

No, really. What do you think will happen if you said NO to everything you do out of obligation or loyalty or a "well, if I don't do it, no one else will" martyr-mentality?

Will some people be disappointed or perhaps feel betrayed if you say no to them? Maybe. But so what? The people who truly know you and love you will support you and find a way to muddle through whatever it is without you. Trust me, people will find their resilience if we give them the opportunity to look for it! The only place YOU are truly irreplaceable is in your own life.

I WILL SAY THAT AGAIN FOR EVERYONE IN THE BACK: THE ONLY PLACE YOU ARE TRULY IRREPLACEABLE IS IN YOUR OWN LIFE. 

Be present in that life. Put forth your efforts and talents to work for you there - to fulfill your dreams, to work towards YOUR goals. Use them to get out of this stuck place that feels like it never goes away. Because the truth is, STUCK is not going anywhere, YOU have to leave stuck. Get out of town. Pack up all your shit and just GO!

Stuck-ville is a convenient excuse/place to stay. It's a safe haven. A risk-averse community, where nothing changes and you can just keep doing what you are doing, but never really venturing outside the gates to face what and who you truly are outside of those self-imposedwalls. 

Find the courage to let go of all the things you think you should be or should be doing according to other people and their expectations and be ADVENTUROUS!

Actually, it's not even about being adventurous, it's about being fearless. It's about saying no to the things that feed those, "I am not good enough/Imposter syndrome/it's not the right time" kind of irrational fears in all of us and saying yes to things that may seem scary. But really - are they THAT scary?

Don't let 5, 10, 15 years go by of being afraid to do and be who you really want to be. Of justifying your existence in your spaces and doing the things you think you should be doing instead of DOING WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO. It is easy to make excuses for why we aren't being true to ourselves. To tell ourselves that we are not ready/not there yet/not 100%, but we REALLY have to stop doing that. 

A few years ago, after Eleven's stroke, my husband had to convince me to stop looking at my child from the lens of what he couldn't do and start approaching him from a place of strength, to assume that, yes indeed, he could do all the things. I was holding him back with my fear. 

I think it's time we applied that lens to ourselves more. 

Find your place of strength. 

ASSUME THAT YOU CAN. 

And then do it.

Pep Talk Over. 

XOXO,

N~

This post brought to you by Nine and her tenacity to keep on practicing until she could finally do a full cartwheel!