Isn't it Ironic

I wrote a post last week that seems to have fueled an already burning fire. You know the one, the much-debated, 'Why do we do this to each other?', so-called "Mommy Wars". And while I stand by my message in that post, that not everyone has to or is going to like me (or you) or what we have to say, whether it is in person or online, I have since realized that the way I conveyed this message and the words I used may have seemed insensitive and {unintentionally} hurtful to some of you.

I have just read a most compelling post by Meredith Fein Lichtenberg, which echoes the thoughts I was trying to convey in my post, but does so in a much more gentle and compassionate way.

In it she talks about mom to mom cyber-bullying and compares it to the It Gets Better Campaign by Dan Savage (whom I LOVE BTW!) and she states the following:

How can you teach your children not to be mean and hateful, but turn around and diss, name-call, or hatefully criticize mothers you don't even know online?

Don't do that!

Instead, strive to understand others' decisions and predicaments, even where you can't agree with them. It's okay to be angry, but even then, try to use balanced, thoughtful language.

Try to comport yourself as a model, even when you disagree. Try to be your most honorable self.

Stop snarking at each other.

Did I use balanced, thoughtful language in my post. No, I did not. I used myself as an example of how I do things, but did not give an example of the other side of the coin or state that both are valid choices. I should have done that.

Was I my most honorable self? To me honor means honesty, so in that sense, yes, I was honorable. I was being honest about MY feelings and MY thoughts on the subject at hand.

Was I snarky? Yes. I told everyone to "suck it up" and THAT was definitely snarky.

I read the comments on my post, the local "mommy community" twitter chatter and subsequent blog posts written and struggled to not engage and fuel the fire even more...

Ha! The irony of that struggle is not lost on me.

So here's the deal everyone.  I get it.

My choice of language may not have been the most productive.  Boiling it down to the basic premise of my post, I simply want us to be free to have our opinions, to own our choices and to stand by them in the face of judgement. Because unfortunately, yes, that judgement is going to come. How we respond to it, that is also a choice we must make.

I will very likely still stick my foot in my mouth write things here or on Twitter or on Facebook that not everyone will agree with and I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for taking the time to read MY blog and thank you for reminding me that we are all so much more than our parenting practices. And finally, a big thank you to April, for pointing out that all may not always be as it seems.

All the best,



P.S. Please visit the It Gets Better site and sign the pledge to end online and all bullying of gay teens everywhere. (And then substitute 'gay teens' for 'all moms' and then say it again).