The Fine Print

There is a lot about motherhood that no one tells you before you start this gig. Of course there is all the usual stuff. You'll never sleep, kids will poop and/or puke at the most inopportune times and life as you know it is never going to be the same. Just remember that you did sign up for this mommy thing!

For those of you who have been at this for a while you may have figured all of this out, but for anyone new to this, here are a few things that you may have missed in the fine print.

  • Set all your clocks 1/2 hour ahead of the actual time. Otherwise you will never again be on time for anything in your life (add 15 minutes per child).
  • Learn to love your body hair. Time for personal grooming (and even showering) may be very hard to come by!
  • Doors lose all of their function when you are a mother. Especially bathroom doors.
  • Be prepared to walk out of the grocery store and leave a full cart of food at some point in your toddler's life. AKA-The Mother of all Tantrums!
  • Poop comes in all the colors of the rainbow. Don't panic-think about what went in first!
  • If you spend 3 hours prepping and then cooking a great meal for your family, understand that A) NO ONE will acknowledge your efforts and B) invariably someone will refuse to eat it!
  • Breastfeeding is a fabulous way to lose weight, but understand that "those last 10 pounds" are not going to go until you STOP breastfeeding. So stop beating yourself up about it, understand this and for god's sake keep breastfeeding!
  • No matter how many times you and your spouse talk about it, he/she is just NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND what being a stay at home parent is like all day, everyday. Learn to accept this (both of you)!
  • Sex. Think of it as a grown-up play date and get it in the household schedule. And give it at least as much (preferably more) significance as the swimming lessons, art classes and all the mommy and me programs you have signed up for!
  • Know that we are all in this together. When you are having what you think is possibly THE worst day ever because the baby has reflux and has puked on your last clean anything and the toddler just flushed Batman AND Superman down the toilet, just remember that somewhere, some how, another mother is probably having an even worse day. If you happen to know this mama, Email, call, FB message or tweet her and let her know you GET it!
  • Deep breathes and counting to ten are essential MOTHERING SKILLS!

All in all it is a pretty darn good gig even with all of the above fine print. And for me at least, it is the moments like this that balance out all the crazies!!

I for one would not trade my life for anything else.

How about you?


P.S. Please feel free to add to the list of items in "The Fine Print"!