Try, try, try.

You are eleven years old. You are not good enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not smart enough.

Not worthy of his love, his time, his attention.

You are not his daughter anymore.

In the years to come

You will let countless others use you in the name of feeling something that you think is love.

You will think this means that you are wanted.

You will ask yourself over and over, every year,

Why?

What did you do?

Why did he disappear? Why did he not fight for you?

You will think it is because you are a girl and that he wanted a boy.

You will spend your life trying to please those who claim to love you.

You will give too much,

and keep nothing for yourself.

Your heart will be broken over and over

and over again.

But you won't give up.

There is a strength in you.

It is buried

Deep

But it is there.

And so you keep getting up,

You keep trying.

Because you are worthy.

You are loveable.

You are amazing.

You are strong.

You will make things right.

You know that you will never be perfect,

And that perfection is not the goal.

You know that time will heal.

You know what you need to do.

 

Love yourself first.

 

 

I can't stop listening to this song from the incredible, incomparable, PINK!

 [youtube]http://youtu.be/ivPEKaBHjYA[/youtube]

 

Natasha~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm in recovery mode.

This is what I did to myself this week.  In case you are saying "What the f... is that?"  THAT is a dislocated prosthetic hip.  I have two prosthetic (metal) hips.  And in yoga the other night while coming out of the Half-Tortoise pose (extreme hip flexion), my right hip popped out of it's socket.

I screamed.

VERY LOUDLY.

The ambulance was called.  I could not move.  I calmed myself down as much as possible so that the other 27 or so yogis could finish their class.  The paramedics came in, put in an IV, gave me some morphine and picked me up (more yelling), yoga mat and all onto the stretcher.

It was my own fault. I was feeling a little 'off' during class and I knew that I should have just gone into savasana and skipped that pose. But, no,  I had to push and well.... obviously I pushed too hard.

I was given a whole lot more morphine on the ride to the hospital and even more while they x-rayed me.  And then I was given a big dose of the procedural anaesthetic propofol (yes, the same drug that was given to MJ) and five people (three holding me down and two reefing on my leg) popped my hip back into place.  This was all reported to me by my husband who was in the room while this was done to me (it's OK-he is a physician).

I am in a full leg brace and on crutches.  I am SORE.  It feels like an elephant sat on my hip.  I am going to take it easy for the next week or two and will hopefully be back to normal sooner rather than later.  I may not be going to yoga for a bit, but I will return eventually.

And so if I am not blogging for the next little while, it is because, I need to take some time for me.  I need to try to keep the kids occupied while we are cooped up in the house (I can't drive just yet) and I need to keep my energy focused on recovery and healing.

Thanks for your understanding.

Be back soon.

Natasha~