30 Days of Truth - Day ONE: Something I hate about myself.

So the funny thing is, I have been thinking about doing my post all day for this, but I had it in my head that today's post was "Something I LOVE about myself" and I was having a hard time with it (more on that tomorrow, the actual LOVE post day). Today's post is about something I HATE about myself. Oh, where to begin.....

Okay, okay, I am NOT going to be that girl.  You know, the one who moans and groans about her life, her body, her kids, her husband, her butt, etc....but really has it quite good.  Nope, not gonna do that.

Here is what I really hate about myself.  I HATE my body!  And not in the 'I don't like the way I look' kind of way, because I really actually do like the way I look.  I hate what happens on the inside.  I HATE that I have a chronic disease that is ever so slowly eating away at parts of me on the inside.  I hate that I can't RUN across a field with my kids. I hate that I have to ask random people to open bottles of juice for me in food courts.  I hate the fact that I am having to take more and more meds, conventional and non, to keep the pain at bay some days.  I hate knowing that there ARE going to be more surgeries in my future and I don't know what that means now that I am a mom.  And I REALLY hate that I can't wear amazing high heeled shoes or boots for more than a few hours anymore without suffering for 2 days after.

But that is my life and has been for 20 years now.  I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  And not the good kind.  Not that there is a good kind of disease, but I am a late diagnosed Juvenile RA patient (I was 19 when diagnosed properly).  JRA patients get hit in the big joints peeps, hence the three hip replacement surgeries I have already had, and me on yet another wait list to see my orthopedic surgeon regarding my crappy, crackly knees.  Not to mention the lack of any shoulder rotation on my left side and well, you are getting the picture right.  Big joints = big pain in the ass!!

For the most part I am quite good.  My meds do control the disease as well as they can.  I am limited in what I can take for medications, BY MY OWN CHOICE mind you, because I have decided to nurse my children for as long as they need.  And so I plug along and live my life and try not to let my disease interfere.

But every now and then....

.....I really HATE my body.