folding to the panic and chaos

Last night, everything kind of hit me all at once. Some things I can talk and write about, others I can not.

I am trying to take care of everyone and everything and starting to feel very overwhelmed.

There is just too much going on and not enough of me to go around...

My reserves are severely tapped. I feel as if I am driving an old beat up car and just filling it up $5.00 at a time and never running on a full tank.

This is not a good way to live.

I spend my days daydreaming of sleeping for a whole day (or a whole weekend). Of taking off to a far away island somewhere to stand in the sun, like some kind of mom-version of Olivia Pope. Of not having to worry about anyone or anything for just a few hours.

It just doesn't seem to be the year for that.

We are in the height of flu season, I have had a head cold for over a week that I just can't shake, and I am perpetually paranoid about passing any kind of respiratory illness to my son. I know I am going to have a giant panic attack the day he gets his next fever and while I rationally know that this is ridiculous and that he will be fine, it's not something I can get away from yet.

Yesterday, he had a follow up appointment with the audiologist. It's an almost 2 hour appointment and halfway into the second hour, my phone rang. It was the kid's school. They were sending my daughter to the office and asking me to come pick her up because she had a fever and a tummy ache.

I froze. I didn't know what to do. I was on the other side of town, finding out that my son's hearing is not improving and may, for some reason, be getting worse, and my daughter was at school with a fever and a tummy ache and historically, these symptoms usually precede some kind of expelling of bodily fluids. I am fully aware that I have had far worse days than yesterday, and some quite recently, but it was just all too much. We cut the audiology appointment short and promised to follow up on another day for the debriefing part. We made it to the school within 25 minutes and I found her with a warm forehead, red cheeks, and a rumbling tummy, waiting quietly for me in the office. We all went home, changed into our pyjamas, laid out some towels on top of the bed (just in case) and had a nap.

Well, that was my plan at least. The kids "napped" for all of 15 minutes and then went off to play and demand things like snacks and Netflix access and reading of books and a bunch of other things that were not SLEEPING. And damn it, I was just so tired (and a certain someone got over her feverishness very quickly).

After dinner, The Consort and I managed to get the kids to bed early and then I planted myself in front of the TV in the living room and settled in for my version of a soothing, brainless, providing-order-when-I-feel-surrounded-by-chaos, activity: folding laundry. I sat and folded and surrounded myself with neat little piles of my family's perfectly folded wardrobes and felt a calm descend upon me.


And then I decided to watch Benjamin Button and cried all the tears.


Maybe I should just take up colouring like my friend Elan has.


Two things.

I spent the day in a room full of babies and baby carriers today at a local Babywearing Swap & Shop organized by a friend of mine. I had a bin full of demo carriers left over from my personal babywearing stash, the Natural Urban Mamas store and my babywearing educator days.  I took along The Little Lady and we set up our  table (she brought two of her doll carriers to sell) for a day of babywearing and de-stashing. This event confirmed a few things for me.

The first, is that I really am done with that phase of my life.

I don't long to hold every baby that comes my way, although I'll gladly do so if you need me to. I don't look at mamas with beautiful blossoming bellies and instinctively touch my own and wonder what it would be like again. Neither my ovaries, nor my boobs, feel any kind of twinge-ing or tingling when I hear a baby coo or cry. And surprisingly, I no longer yearn for the days of wearing my babies anymore - although I am almost 99% sure that my daughter would jump at the chance if I offered.

It's officially official. I am done with babyhood. So much so, that I didn't even wrap a baby on myself today OR take a babywearing selfie!

The second thing that was confirmed for me today, is that I am still really good at two things: educating and selling.

I love the look on a parent's face when I am able to show them how to use a carrier properly and it's like a whole new world has opened up for them. Or when a mama tells me that she has a ring sling, but her baby hates it and then I tweak it just a bit (upright positioning people!) and again that "OMG, I had no idea!" face happens. The best one today was the sweet, 8-week old, baby girl who fell asleep within 10 seconds of being put into a wrap carrier for the first time. That was the easiest $100 bucks I have ever made! Well, except for that one time at... oh, never mind. ;)

Sales has always been something that I am good at. In retail, as a pharmaceutical sales rep, and as an online boutique owner, it's just kind of what I do, and do really well. I catch myself doing it even when I am not making any money at it! Did I ever tell you about that time when we where building our first home and I spent a day at the show home office and sold two houses for our builder? Yup, that happened.

I once attended a brilliant talk by Arlene Dickinson (I highly recommend you go see her speak if you ever get the chance). Arlene talks about how marketing is all about story telling and there is a very good reason that Arlene is as successful as she is, she is a DAMN GOOD story teller! Sales is a bit different though. Selling is about listening to another person's story and asking questions and then finding the right product to fit into that story. Sometimes that product is what you have on your table and sometimes it isn't and you have to send them somewhere else to find what they need. To me, THAT is the sign of a good salesperson. Remember that next time you are shopping and/or trying to sell something.


It's nice to have days that affirm certain aspects of your life for you.

It feels good to not have that nagging feeling of what if following you around and taking your focus away from the currently IS.

It's also nice to have that "I've still got it" feeling too.

Now, I've just got to figure out how to work what I've still got into where I am now in my life...

That's the next challenge.



how to make grocery shopping fun.

This post is brought to you by SPUD.CA


When my kids were babies, I used to love grocery shopping. It was one of the things that got me (and my babies) out of the house and into pants other than ones of the yoga variety and the world of grown ups, and in line at the in-store coffee shop. And, I'll admit it, accomplishing this feat with babies in tow, used to make me feel like a super woman.

And then there were the times, when The Consort and I would finally get the babies to sleep and I would do the grocery shopping after 9 PM. I tell you, that is like the Golden Hour of grocery shopping. Barely anyone around, shelves getting restocked for the next day and again, the in-store coffee shop. I would leisurely walk every single aisle of the store, sipping my frothy latte, looking at new products, reading all the labels and squeezing all the melons. The soft hum of the store freezers was the background music to this idyllic scene and I swear customer service is at an all-time high at that hour as well.

Fast forward a few years and many more pounds of children to cart around and it gets a bit more complicated. Grocery shopping with toddlers and preschoolers involves multiple snacks, an iPad, the must-bring-toy-of-the-day and various other things that there is no room for in the cart. And yet, it can be done, with similar Super Woman-y feelings about it. You can luck out and get the ginormous cart that looks like a giant green toy car and this will entertain and contain the little buggers while you "drive" them around, picking up your cargo load of Bear Paws, mini carrots and cheese strings, so that you'll be stocked up on snacks for the next shopping trip. And of course, evening grocery shopping is still an option. A peaceful, get me out of the house, BY MYSELF, with no one touching me, hour or more of the weirdest self-care ever!

And now? Now I don't like the grocery shopping so much. And I know that this is going to come off as very #firstworldproblem-y, but it is what it is. Grocery shoping is just not as much fun anymore. Or, perhaps, I have simply figured out much better ways to administer my self-care, that I can now see through the facade that grocery shopping provided in those early, half-delirious with sleep-deprivation years.  Oh sure, I can still handle the big Costco trip once a month to get all the things that cost too much or are not available elsewhere, but the weekly stuff? With all the activities that make up our days now between school, work and extracurricular stuff, at this point, I just want someone else to do the groceries thing.


Sustainable Produce Urban Delivery (SPUD) opened it's doors in Edmonton in September, 2014 and is delivering local and organic groceries to doorsteps throughout the city. Conveniently coinciding with the arrival of chillier temperatures and the closures of the summer farmers’ markets, the warehouse is now operating as the fourth SPUD office in Western Canada, enabling Edmontonians to stay connected to local producers and farmers, as well as the best in organic and sustainable groceries, all year long.

With over 1800 items including meat, dairy, grocery, produce, health, home and beauty, in SPUD’s online catalogue, diversity and convenience are what sets it apart. Ordering groceries from SPUD comes free of contracts or commitments, has a lower minimum order and later order cutoff time than other services, and does not require deposits on delivery boxes/bins.

A few weeks ago, we received a couple of boxes from SPUD delivered right to our front door. Eggs, bread, fresh organic apples and a great salad. All things that we needed and that I didn't have to leave the house to go get. The cute little pumpkin was a nice touch too and the kids loved it the most and proceeded to decorate it for our Halloween centrepiece.

SPUD Groceries

Our fridge is getting a little low on a few things this week, it's cold outside, and I have a lot of writing to do to catch up on my missed days for #nablopomo. Time for shopping is just not in the cards for me this week, so I am going to be putting in my first official order. If you think you want to give it a try too, use the following promo code to receive $40 worth of groceries when you spend $20. Feel free to share it with friends too - the promo code is: EDMSAVE and it is good until November 30th.

And with that my friends, grocery shopping is fun again!

Thanks again to SPUD for the great intro to their service and the yummy produce - although I am still trying to figure out what to do with the beets!