"How was your summer?"

My summer wasn't fabulous. It was just OK. There are reasons, but you probably don't really want to know about them. 

"Are you OK? Did you hurt yourself?"

I'm limping because I have a chronic disease that eats away at my joints, and has done so daily for the last 25 years. I can barely walk more than 5 blocks before my knee completely stops working. Do you want to hear what bone rubbing on bone sounds like?

"I see you kept your hair like that."

Did you mean to use your inner voice for that random and completely unnecessary comment about my appearance? 

"You say you are a feminist. Can you tell me all your beliefs and why you are for it?"

I can, but I won't, because I see you know how to use a computer and have a big interest in playing Call of Duty. I am going to also assume you can find your way to GOOGLE and do some self-education for your "little project".

"Are those new pants?"

Yes honey they are. (END of conversation.)

"So, umm.... how much money do you make writing?"

How much do you make doing your job? Oh, we just met and you don't really want to tell a stranger what your salary is, and how this does or does not set your value as a human being.

 I see...

"You sure take a lot of selfies. Isn't that a bit narcissistic?"

Sure is. Check out the lighting and angle I got in this one. {Pulls up Instagram on iPhone}

"Hey, would you like to come to this (insert event/party/social gathering here)?"

No. Contrary to popular belief, I am a socially awkward introvert, I never remember people's names, I feel like I don't fit in at large gatherings of people, and most times I would prefer to stay home, watch Netflix and Tweet random shit to strangers on the internet.