I should really write something.
Like a post about Blissdom Canada and my first speaking gig. Or a post about the bullshit that is going on with Gamergate and the horrendous abuse that women in the gaming world continue to be subjected to. Or how my much younger and newly single cousin just showed me what Tinder is and OH MY GOD!! I am so thankful that I am not in the dating world right now. Or how I have the best friends ever, because upon learning of my first trip to Victoria, my friend Sarah sent me TEN texts in a row full of restaurant and shopping recommendations. Apparently, we will be eating non-stop for three days!
Instead of writing though, lately, I have been organizing. Tidying. De-cluttering. De-STUFF-ING. I came home from Blissdom and cleared out 50% of my wardrobe (and posted most of it HERE). Today I tackled the linen closet and shoes. The kids toys are an ongoing project and get done once every three months. There is just too much stuff. And we don't need it. All of this unused or just-in-case stuff just sits in closets and boxes and drawers and the case never arises? It has to go.
Did I mention that I started meditating regularly? I think I did. And I think this new practice of mine may be part of why I am feeling this need to clear space. Literally. And while I am clearing all of these spaces, I am noticing that I am starting to feel lighter. The mind is a wonderful thing and when we use it to actually become mindful of our everyday thoughts and behaviours, the perspective this can provide is... well, for lack of a better word, kind of mind-boggling.
What I have learned is that when I stopped telling myself the same, tired old story over and over about myself, that is when I start to see the kind of changes I want in my life. When I stopped saying "I am just an impulsive person", I stopped making impulsive choices. Be they about food, shopping, work-out trends, over-volunteering, etc... When I stopped thinking that people only wanted to talk to me/be my friend because I am a "fixer", I stopped feeling the need to fix everyone and was more able to just be with people and accept them as they accept me.
The kids are even starting to get in on this mindfulness business as well. They have asked if they can meditate with me (I've found a few nice bedtime guided meditation videos on Youtube) and we regularly practice mindful eating at the dinner table. This is as simple as just taking a bite of food, putting down your utensil, closing your eyes and chewing and really tasting your meal. Bite by bite until your body tells you it is full. And really, isn't this how we should eat and enjoy all of our meals?
I was reading about the meaning of Mercury being in retrograde this morning and came across this explanation:
Mercury retrograde gives us time to catch up with ourselves, and reflect. Something from the past returns in a different form. People, ideas or buried insights that are keys to moving forward, float to the surface. Often it's felt as a slowed down, contemplative time, and depending on the sign, a chance to go over old ground again, to claim what you missed the first time.
Mercury has been in retrograde since October 4th and that seems to coincide with all of what I have been feeling and contemplating since I returned from my trip to Ontario. I've slowed down. I've needed this time to catch up with myself. I've cleared my spaces and perhaps after this weekend (Mercury moves out of retrograde on the 25th), I'll be ready to get all of those words and ideas floating to the surface once again.
I know this is a weird post and I swear, I had no idea where it was going when I sat down and typed that first sentence. But here is where I am. Breathing, clearing space, making room for all that is to come.
Namaste my friends.