We sort of have an unwritten rule in our house, no writing about Natural Urban Dada. I am a blogger, yes, and I am very open about my feelings and my life here, but he has veto power about anything that crosses that unwritten "line in the sand" and is about him. Today however, he has given me carte blanche to blog about him! (It may not be exactly what he had in mind).
This was our conversation last night as I was cleaning up and washing dishes after dinner.
"What are you doing? Why do you wash away all the soap you just put on the scrubber? Wha....You just did it again!"
"Whatever, the dishes get cleaned don't they?", I said glibly.
"But, you aren't doing it right. You're wasting too much soap and water. I can't believe you call yourself green!"
"I just do it differently than you."
"No, you do it wrong. Put the soap on the sponge part and let it run through to the scrub side. I need a blog, then maybe I can educate more people like you about how to do things properly."
At this point I put the soap on the sponge as he has instructed me and say (with not a hint of sarcasm, I swear), "You mean like this honey?"
"Yes, that is better. I'll just stand here and watch for a bit and make sure you are doing it right."
And so I humor him and do it 'the right way' while he is watching. He eventually walks away shaking his head and muttering something about "it just makes sense, I don't understand..."
Here is the thing. My husband and I have very different ways of doing things. Pretty much ALL things. I mean fundamentally we have the same values and morals and all that, but we are pretty much exact opposites on the surface.
I am loud and extroverted. He is not.
I cry at the drop of a dime. He never cries (not once in the 11 years I have known him or according to him, not since Spock uttered those classic words to Kirk in Wrath of Khan "I have been and always shall be your friend.")
I like to pile my clothes on the chair in the corner of our room. He puts his away right away.
I cook and make a mess and THEN clean up when I am finished. He likes to clean as he goes.
I never go to the bathroom with the door closed. He never goes with it open. EVER.
I would go happily pack up the kids and the dog and go on a two week camping trip through the Rockies. He would happily book a hotel with running water, toilets and little to no risk of ants in his bed.
I need to be able to have a fight and get out my emotions and let it go. He needs to figure out what his feelings are, go away and assess for a while and then discuss. (This is very frustrating BTW!!)
Maybe part of the reason we are so different has to do with our upbringing. Him by a very typical Chinese Tiger Mom, and me by more of a "Single with 4 kids trying to keep a roof over our heads" Mom. Both ways seem to have had good results. He is a very driven man, who works hard to provide for his family and knows how to clean a toilet (score!). And I am a very strong-willed woman, who has learned a lot the hard way and knows that I could do it all by myself if I had to, but am so, so grateful that I do not!
I am not sure why or how we work, but we do. We complement each other and we balance each other out. And it seems to be working well. We have managed to stay together for 11 years, we still laugh at each others jokes and maybe sometimes just at each other and we are very much in love.
Wikipedia describes Yin and Yang as this:
Yin yang are complementary opposites that interact within a greater whole, as part of a dynamic system. Everything has both yin and yang aspects, but either of these aspects may manifest more strongly in particular objects and situations, and may ebb or flow over time.
So as the water was flowing over the dishes, and we were having the silly discussion about my scrubber-sponge technique, it was all good. Because tomorrow, or maybe the next day my Yin will manifest more strongly and ebb all over his neat-freak Yang butt!