On butterflies and unlucky numbers.

Do you ever wake up and have that feeling in your gut that SOMETHING is going to happen?

Like you have butterflies in your belly, but you don't know why. 

Everything around you feels like it is in super sharp focus and you are just waiting....

for something. 

Or maybe I am confusing that feeling with having had too much coffee and the uneasiness is simply a caffeine rush and I have to poop. 

Either way, this is how I have been feeling since Sunday.  

It could be the change in the season affecting me, as it tends to do this time of year, and the tingling in my brain and my belly is that of increased anxiety and the onset of SAD.  

October is kind of a weird month for me. The fall colours surrounding me are soothing, as is the crisp air I inhale deeply as I walk Willow every day. It is a month of celebration in our house with Seven's (soon to be Eight's) birthday, Canadian Thanksgiving, and our wedding anniversary. 

It's also the month of preparing for winter. Putting away the yard furniture, raking up all the leaves and making an appointment to get the winter tires installed. And while I like to be proactive about these things, so I don't get stuck at the bottom of the hill by our house during that first big snowfall - AGAIN! It also feels like I am reaching for those last days of sun, of playing outside with only one layer of clothes on and soaking up the last bits of our way to short fall season, on our way to a long, dark, winter. 

This month also marks our 13th wedding anniversary. I've always thought of the number 13 as unlucky, mostly from buying into the usual superstitions, and all that Friday the 13th movie stuff as a kid. And possibly because I got my damn period when I was 13 - so you know, that was great. When I think about it, something feels a bit off in celebrating this "unlucky" number. In an effort to turn around my thinking and subdue any silly superstitions, I've been researching the numerology meaning of 13, and lo and behold, it is surprisingly fitting for where we are in our lives:

The number 13 in numerological terms is (1+3=4). Thirteen describes a pattern of new beginnings (1) + creative expression (3) = building and structure (4). It is actually a theme of solid, grounding movement. So in essence, number 13 is a strong vibration representing organization and accomplishment in a creative and unique way.

I can't think of a better way to describe our life right now. New beginnings, and building, and creative expression - yup, that is us. New house and renovation, the kids starting a new school year, and ahem... as of tomorrow, a new job for yours truly. 

This "new" development is also contributing to my October anxiety/butterflies. I didn't quite plan on getting a job outside the home this year, and I have to admit that this one kind of fell onto my lap in the most serendipitous of ways. It's a job taking me back to my sales roots (retail), in a place I love to shop, and working for a strong, incredible woman whom I admire, and whose philosophy I believe in. 

As I sit here and watch the leaves change and fall, and the tall grasses sway in the breeze of this cool fall day, I am trying to reframe my usual October anxiety and embrace the butterflies. I am breathing deep into by belly, and getting ready for new patterns in our lives. I am choosing to open myself up, rather than cocoon into hibernation-mode as I traditionally do at this time. 

Basically, what I am saying is:

Or at least I will...

Soon.

XO,

N~