Ladies, we need to talk.

About feminism. AND VAGINAS.

It has come to my attention that there are some of you out there who are LITERALLY pulling some nasty junk our of your vaginas in the name of feminism. And while I am usually not one to tell anyone how to DO feminism. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS.



We have enough problems as it is trying constantly to remove the F-WORD status from feminism and getting people to truly understand what feminism is, to accept it as a movement and as something worthwhile to identify with and work towards as a common goal. You know, all that equality for all human beings, regardless of gender, race, sexuality and such.

But when you start pulling yeast out of your vagina to make sourdough bread rolls and doing so in the name of feminism, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

This is the kind of shit that confuses people. That steers them FAR, FAR away from feminism. That makes us all look like radical, man-hating, "HAHA! Look what I made you eat from my VAGINA", weirdos! These kind of shenanigans are not winning anyone over! And like it or not, we are not done with this fight, and alienating folks with some experimental vaginal yeast baking is not how we recruit more to OUR MOST RIGHTEOUS CAUSE! And here is a little PSA - just because it comes from your vagina, doesn't automatically mean it has to be some grand feminist THING and you need to write an essay about it (you are NOT Naomi Wolfe FFS!).  

Can we PLEASE focus for a bit and get back to the BASICS? You know, like closing the wage gap between men and women, and white women and WOC. Oh and maybe we could all do better learning about and actively incorporating intersectionality in our feminism and checking ourselves when our white feminist fragility overshadows the lived experiences of our brown and black and asian sisters. Or how about we deal with the hate and misogyny that women have to content with daily in the online world, and then there's also that pesky human right of ensuring access to all forms of reproductive health care for women. I mean, COME ON!! We have some bigger issues to deal with here. THESE ARE THE REASONS WHY WE NEED FEMINISM, NOT vagina bread! 

Seriously, someone needs to just go get herself some Canestan. I know, I know, that shit is expensive. Twenty bucks for one little ovule and a tiny tube of cream? What kind of misogynist asshole runs THAT pharma company? (Oops, my angry, man-hater is showing!) Here is a little frugal feminist trick I just learned - GARLIC. A tiny clove of garlic up in the lady bits will clear up that yeast infection, and you can still feel all radical about using food to cure what ails you and YOU DON'T NEED TO BAKE ANY DAMN BREAD! {I mean you totally could if that is really what you want to do, just use REGULAR yeast, mmkay?}

Don't get me wrong, I am very much for everyone being more vagina-positive. I am a big fan of the new vagina emojis that have recently come out. They make texting my husband WAY more interesting. I am a fan of the words, VAGINA, VULVA, LABIA. These are the proper words for our body parts and we should use them more often. What I don't want, is for us to equate feminism with vaginas all the time. That in and of itself is alienating as well, because, HELLO, there are women who don't have vaginas and there are men who have vaginas and having or not having one doesn't = feminism.   

That white drop is NOT yeast! 

That white drop is NOT yeast! 


And this isn't NEW. People have been doing all kinds of vagina-related art and making vagina-related political statements for a long time. We have the vagina-knitter, the menstrual blood Trump portrait painter, the vagina kayak maker who is actually on trial for her art, Georgia O'Keefe. It's true, VAGINAS ARE EVERYWHERE! 

My issue is not with the vagina. Vaginas are awesome! And we should all take the time to appreciate them and TAKE CARE OF THEM properly! My issue is with making feminism look bad and confusing people and turning folks further away from anything related to the word feminist or feminism. And no matter how you butter your toast, THIS MAKES FEMINISM LOOK BAD.

There is no heroism here. Sure she's gone viral with her recipe and many people are genuinely and not surprising TOTALLY ICKED OUT BY WHAT SHE'S DONE, but this woman does not speak for me or for the feminism that I want more people to embrace. 

Now, thanks to her, I'm going to be off all kinds of bread for the time being - and I really like sourdough. And unfortunately, many more people are going to be off all kinds of feminism too.



take a seat

I want to talk about pee. 

Because I am done. DONE. DONE. DONE! With accidentally sitting in it in public washrooms, finding it all over the fucking walls in airplane toilet closets and stepping in it around the toilets in unisex bathrooms. 

People. Sit the fuck down when you are peeing. ALL OF YOU.

Ladies, stop trying to hover. JUST STOP. Accept that you do not have the quad strength to hold that position and you will NEVER have the ability to aim from within all the folds of your lady parts either. You will not catch herpes/gonorrhea/syphilis from a goddamn toilet seat. Put some toilet paper around the seat if you need to or use the paper seat covers if they are provided, but for God's sake SIT DOWN! IF you still insist on doing your hover-spray-quad-workout then at least have the decency to wipe up YOUR OWN PISS after you are done!

And MEN. Let's talk. I know, I know, since you were three years old, all you ever wanted to do was pee standing up "just like daddy", but come on. The fact is that you are not very good at it! And how many of you actually clean your own toilets? If you do and your the dudes who clean up after yourselves, then kudos to you, but I'm not holding my breath that you're in the majority here. 

Parents, PLEASE, teach your boys to pee sitting down. Teach them to respect the fact that OTHER people have to use toilets too and NO ONE wants to sit on or step in pee. EVER. I don't care how much emphasis you put on aiming at the damn cheerios in the bowl, it DOESN'T WORK! And if I hear one more man-baby tell me that "real men" pee standing up, I will punch said standing pee-er in his poorly aiming junk! 

Now by all means, pee standing up at a urinal, that's what they are there for and no one sits on them, but if you are in a toilet stall, or AN AIRPLANE LAVATORY - BISH PLEASE! Sit the fuck down! No amount of aim is going to work against a sudden bit of turbulence, I promise you! 

Here's the thing that I don't get. Everyone sits to poop, so why is sitting to pee such a big deal for certain people? Men, please tell me, do you do a standing pee and then sit down to poo? Is the male ego so damn fragile that it can be broken by something you do primarily behind a closed door, all ALONE? No really, I need to know. FOR RESEARCH.

Now, I can hear it already, "Calm down Natasha, it's JUST pee. It's a sterile fluid. NBD!" 


It's about respect for others and some general personal cleanliness too. Especially in public washrooms. It's just pee until you are the one stepping in it or sitting on it or gagging at the stench of it all over the base of the toilet. I mean, have you been in an elementary school bathroom lately? That shit is NAAAAAAAaaasty! No one flushes, pee is everywhere, it's fucking gross. We need to do better with these kids people! They grow up to be hover-pee-ers and poor aiming dudebros.

And because I hate to rant, just for ranting sake, I have a couple of solutions to offer for this disgusting problem: 

1 - TEACH ALL YOUR KIDS (boys and girls) TO PEE SITTING DOWN. (And the trick about putting toilet paper around the seat if they/you are germ squeamish.)

2 - If you live with/share a toilet with a standing pee-er, cleaning said toilet, by default of this fact, becomes their job. FOREVER! 

And for God's sake, and I wish this didn't need to be repeated...


*** This public service announcement/rant brought to you by my wet ass after I sat in some hover-pee-er's God awful attempt at controlling her spray!***


See, it's not that hard of a concept! 

See, it's not that hard of a concept! 

Dear ADELE, I owe you one...

I pitched a thing to some people and they liked it and it is published and I am getting paid for it! 


Hello, my name is Natasha Chiam and I am a freelance writer. 

Ok, so maybe one article doesn't sound like a whole lot, but don't rain on my parade people! THIS IS A BIG DEAL! 

Please go read my thing, I think you'll like it.

You can find it over on BonBon Break. Big thanks also to OurPact for being their generous sponsor this month. Make sure you check out this great app for helping parents manage kids’ electronics usage.

“Hello from the other side.”

This is a line from Adele’s much awaited new single and video released last month.

In a teaser before the release of the video, Adele also wrote a letter to her fans and posted it on Facebook. She is calling her new album her “make-up” album, the one where she is making up with herself. I find myself going back to her words again and again and wondering why I can’t stop crying every time I hear this damn song.

And then it hit me.